I ache today. Ironic considering last night I wrote an entry all about making my dreams come true. Today I ache. Missing people, moments, of a life past. There's something empty inside right now, and it aches. I sit here and I want to cry, not a heartbreaking cry, just a mourning.

I miss Jay. I miss Jenny. That's what it comes down to. I catch these fragments of their lives now, the blessing and curse of being online. If you want to find, you can. Just little moments. I do it occasionally, poke around and see. Sometimes I wonder if the people finding A Place to Fly by searching for "Linda Gallaher" are doing the same thing. Looking for the moments in my life now.

Today, looking at those moments of lives I'm no longer a part of, aches. I miss so much. I miss fish and chips and teasing at Bill's on a Sunday morning. I miss tea and long talks. I miss having best friends that could see me, always. I miss the one person that looked at me destroying myself and asking "What the hell happened to you?", and he KNEW who I was, where I came from, what my basic truths were.

I was the one that walked away. I was the one too angry to bend, to see more than my own pain. I was the one that burned bridges. I had to, to heal and learn how to take care of me. That's what wisdom says, that I needed that at that time. It's cold comfort now. Now that I want to share… share who I am now, what stability I've found, share that my choking need and desperation is gone, I look back and see a bridge I don't know how to rebuild.

I'm sorry.