I found a single 8" long pure white hair on my keyboard yesterday. It has to be mine. Mike's hair is super short, and all our guests have either shorter or longer hair than me. I'm 26! (Almost 27, 3 days to go!) I don't want to go grey yet. But hey, maybe it's time for me to live my beliefs. See, I think people with grey hair are awesome. I think it shows age, and experience and DAMN that's sexy.

Gah, it's almost 7am and I've been up for an hour already. This is just wrong. I've had my coffee, and now I'm trying to figure out what to do with myself for the day. There are so many things that should be done, but with no flow to them, so I don't know where to start. I'm really good at laying out my time in the most efficient manner possible, as long as I can find the flow to it.

I need to finish the 'BIG Cleanup' (read that in the movie announcer voice) and I also need to tidy the parts that have been cleaned already. THEN there's all the stuff I need to do for the business that break down into non-flowy sections. There's so much that needs to be done, so little time to do it in, and I just stop because I get overwhelmed by it all. So nothing gets done.

I'm so busy, but I'm not as well. That's confusing. I got really angry a month ago at an acquaintance that ran into me on the bus. He gave me a hard time about my not updating my livejournal. I said I was busy with the business, and he came back with "so write about your successful business then!". I was so close to ripping his head off. Granted, I was on that bus because I had to buy pantyhose so I would look "proper" for my uncle's funeral visitation that night. So I was a little on edge anyways.

But I think the anger comes from that I already have so much I should be doing and not doing that I don't need someone else adding more shoulds to my plate. Not that I'm going to allow *anyone* to guilt me into doing anything, ever again. I think I'm asking too much of myself again. I look around at the mess, at the cereal boxes on the floor near Mike's desk, my business stuff scattered everywhere, the chaos from people that don't manage to pick up after themselves and I feel this pressure to be the one to clean it and maintain it.

That's not cool. I know Mike will roll up his sleeves and help, all I have to do is ask. I don't want to have to ask. But both of us are in the habit of being slobs. We're messy and lazy about our messes. So it piles up, until I freak out and clean. Lather, Rinse, Repeat. Intellectually I know how much easier it is to maintain a reasonable level of tidiness and clean every week without having to clear clutter first. So why the fuck can't I do it?

No, I *know* I can. But there's no way in hell I'm going to maintain for someone else. Been there, done that, and I don't get paid enough to be someone's maid, and I already have a kid, I don't want two. So we need to break the habit.

I *have* to keep this apartment bloody spotless for the business. Health Canada would probably shit bricks if they knew I was running a cosmetics business in a place with a cat (soon to be two cats), I don't need to add to it by being a slob. I wonder what would motivate Mike to break the slob habit? Most likely, because he rocks, all that's needed is for me to honestly say "I cannot live like this. We have to make changes, how can we work together to keep our home clean all the time?". Make a plan, stick to it until being clean is the habit, not the exception.

So, changes in my life always have to start with me. Where do I start? How the hell do I balance this cleanup with my business and my daughter? There's always a starting point, just have to find it. I have seven hours left until I have to leave to pick up Sara from school. Ok, two places to start. Either continue the big clean up, or go backwards and tidy what's already been done. Tidy. If I leave the mess that's starting again in the "clean rooms", it'll grow and just start the cycle all over again.

An hour later

Well we shook on it. We're going to use Mike's vacation time to get the Big Cleanup done, and then work on picking up after ourselves *all the time*. I think we have enough time today to drag all the dirty laundry down to a laundromat and get it done.

8:06pm

Laundry, clean and put away. Bought the 3 shelf bookcase I've been thinking of getting for the living room today as well. Sara's room is clean, with *her* laundry all away too. It feels kind of pathetic that only laundry got done today, but dirty clothes take up so much space and create such clutter.

It's a start. And GodDamnIt, I am going to have a clean home *all* the time.