I should continue this writing kick I seem to be on. I was stuck for a topic, but then I was reminded! We're getting a new kitten. Her rescue name is "Venus" and she's a small, all black, almost one year old. We're going to foster her for a couple weeks before we adopt her outright just so we can see if Unita will tolerate her.

I don't really like the name "Venus", so unlike with Unita I think this kitten needs a name change. My current favourite is "Stella". What better name for a small, black ball of fur who is a birthday present for a Sky crazed woman?

In other trains of thought, I was chatting earlier about the weird name traditions in my mother's side of the family. Lots and lots of Elisabeths and Katharinas. I couldn't remember spelling, so I pulled out the family history that one of my uncles did and published. It's an actual hardcover book.

A hardcover book that is missing part of my family history that is dying away as the men who keep the secrets die. I don't know if this is part of my family we even want to know exists. There has to be a reason that it's never talked about, ever.

What do I know? It's about the war. WWII to be exact. Three of my uncles and my Opa served in that war. We're a German family. We're missing years out of family history that is never mentioned because these men served in the German army.

When I was a lot younger, war fascinated me. I could not understand why people would take up arms to kill and be killed. So I studied it, to learn, to find understanding. I never found it. I remember asking my Opa about the War a few times. I knew he had served, and I thought he would talk to ME about it. He refused to look at me or say anything. I asked my mom later why, and she told me to never EVER mention it again.

So I didn't. But I'm wondering now, what memories of a time that I only know through books and movies did we bury with my grandfather and my eldest uncle? What did they do in that wartime Germany? I want to know so bad, but on the other hand I don't.

See, here's the big family secret. One if not both of these dead men served with the Schutzstaffel. The SS. Which section, I don't know. Did they enforce those fucking camps? I don't know. Did they push paper around in Berlin? I don't know. Were they Nazis in the truest sense of the word? I think yes.

That's very very hard for me. I knew my Opa as a man that loved his garden, and grew beautiful roses for his wife. He would let me play in the dirt and eat his vegetables, and just be his granddaughter. Is this the same man? I don't know, and I don't think I'll ever know. I think the stories will die, unspoken. Maybe they should.