Fuck, I hate nightmares. Especially the ones where I wake up and I'm relieved to find that my pillow isn't soaked with tears.

It's fading fast now that I've been awake for 10 minutes or so. I don't remember much than the basic storyline and that FEELING.

I think the feeling is important. I haven't felt that way in a year.

Betrayal, agonizing pain and that not knowing. Powerless and out of control of everything. Not knowing what to do or where to turn. Feeling as if everything I knew was a lie and nobody would tell me the truth.

I woke up and that feeling was still there, I woke up hurting in an all too familiar way.

I forgot.

I spent every minute of every day for months feeling like that, and I forgot. Thank god.

Now, after that reminder, I am so grateful for what I have... and amazed that I survived.

Heh. Sweet.