One thing I forgot in my drive to get my OACs and hopefully go to university -- I hate School. I hate learning in a limited, prescribed fashion. I hate being told what I have to read, what I'm supposed to discover in that reading, what to think, how to think it and how to express it. I hate School. I hate how it feels and how much it limits me.

This is a problem. Not only have I felt like this about School since grade 4 or so, I've been away from it for almost a decade now. In that decade I realized first hand just how much bullshit we were force-fed under the guise of "You need this to get a job. If you don't learn this you are stupid and will starve." I've realized that School was a handful of true education hidden in the murky depths of filler. I've realized that the best lessons I learned in School weren't in the curriculum; they were in the experience and wisdom of my teachers that they shared with us.

In that decade I've learned how to do bookkeeping, do taxes, cash flows, budgets, handle money professionally and personally -- and I was a failure in math in School. I've learned how to paint watercolours, I've taken thousands of photographs, I've created art using raw soap, I am more creative than I was ever given the opportunity to be in School. In that decade I've learned more than I ever did in my 13 years in School.

But none of that gives me a degree. None of that erases the stigma in being a simple High School graduate. And that sucks. So I'm looking at this course, this OAC course where they don't even make sure that the two examples for a concrete Noun are, you know, concrete Nouns just so I can get that degree.

I'm happy with my job, my business. I don't want a degree because of a job I desire. I want the degree because I need the degree. It's as simple as that. And to get the degree I have to jump through the idiot hoops and get myself another OAC.

This is bullshit. I hate this. The subject bores me, the instructions are condescending, and the staff has so far inspired my derision. I can't find the spark to get me started, to get me over this sense of hate enough to get myself caught in the routines and habits. Honestly, I think I need other people to work with and off of.

I think I misjudged my learning abilities when I signed up for an independent learning course. I'm a phenomenal independent learner, in the true sense, but I'm no good at learning someone else's lessons and ideas alone. I think I need to get into a course with people I can interact with or maybe go into the university and see what they really need from me if I want to apply for the Arts & Business Degree.

And now I have to go put an hour into this damned course.