Ok, so I'm going to steal 15 minutes from my surprisingly busy day today to do a quick journal entry. I find that if I plan to go on into my day right after walking Sara to school without coming home, I get an awful lot done before noon. This morning I walked her partway (I don't walk her all the way if she's been a massive pain in the ass about dawdling through that morning's routine) to school, and then headed over to the bank to put in Mike's income tax refund.

It's a tidy sum this year. We've already spent it in our heads too. So much to the Visa, so much to the GST repayment we should have done in the past year but we didn't, so much to the RRSP, and finally the remainder is split between both of us. Gives us both a few hundred to play with. I've earmarked my chunk for a sewing machine and accoutrements. Mike's thinking about an iPod.

We could take it and put it down on the car as the down payment. We really could. I think it's a bad, bad idea to do that though. I mean, we have this money spent in our heads. It's something we look forward to all year this chunk of guilt and explanation free cash to spend on anything our little hearts desire. To turn around and take it away to put it on this already expensive car would be a recipe for massive resentment. At least for me. I *know* I'm going to be mighty pissed at putting out $500/month before gas and maintenance until I get used to it.

The messier this car buying gets, the more time it takes, the more I think it's a stupid move to do this. But it's not at the same time. I'm torn between the two. I guess I'm not seeing yet the benefits of all this bullshit. All I'm seeing is the stress and what it's done to my quiet little life. If it's going to be another 2 weeks I think I want to go on another test drive. Hah. It's been 3 weeks since we got the loan and got started on this. On the plus side i have 15 minutes of driving fun.

Ahh hell. I'll be patient. I'll do what I can to keep my life on an even keel and try to be patient. I just feel like I'm holding my breath. Doing the "that should wait until we have the car" game.

That's 15. And now I have to call the lovely Melanie back.