I just got back from a feeding frenzy of a book sale. It's the (apparently, I've never gone before) annual used book sale at a local church. There were thousands of books -- and almost everyone there was busy shoving any and all books they could get their hands on into boxes and bags. I was thinking that maybe I could find something interesting in the way of SF/Fantasy for a buck but there was no way I could manage to browse in the middle of the chaos. I ended up getting a chance to look at the CDs and bought two; a set of Yo Yo Ma's Cello stuff (I like the Cello and at $3 for a double disc set it hurts nothing to get it.) and the Enigma 3.

What was interesting was when I was in the paperback room I heard a really familiar voice, looked up and there's the guy that owns/runs Casablanca Books. So I started looking around and noticed several more familiar faces. It makes sense I guess that a used books sale with thousands of books would be a place to stock up for your store. I finally left deciding that if there was any good SF/Fantasy one of my favourite bookstores would grab it and I'll get it through them later.

~*~

So I've been gone lately. I managed one journal entry this week and I'm not sure how many photoblog entries. The apartment shows my absence in many ways as well. Not as much as it would if I was home but not maintaining, so I guess Mike has a point that part of the mess is created from me working from home.

The place I notice my lack of home time the most is my inner self. I'm feeling very off-balance and transient. I'm not getting the daily routines done, I'm not spending any time on the business, I'm off doing this or that and somehow not getting much done at all.

Take yesterday, for example. I gave Mike a ride to work and because I want to get at least a half and hour a day of driving practice in I decided to hop over to my Mom's place to drop of some stuff. I ended up back home a little before 3pm, with just enough time to putter and get Miss Sara from school. I don't begrudge or resent the time I spend outside of home -- after all I am the one deciding that things can wait, I'll get to it later, nobody is getting hurt if I don't do my photoblog / 30 min tidy / journal routine.

But I'm starting to suspect I am getting hurt because I'm not doing these little morning routines I've developed over the past year. I am more stable now than I have been in my entire life and I think in many ways it is because of my routines and habits I have created for myself. And I've ignored them or passed them up in favour of running around. So now I'm exhausted at the end of the day and there's still the dishes to be washed, dinner to be cooked, Sara to be taken to whatever lesson it is that night.

I guess I've never really paid attention to how much I do and get done in the daytime. I've noticed it not getting done before when I've been sick or depressed, but I've never taken weeks off and disappeared. I've never had the ability to leave before. Running away used to take a lot of work. Now it's a matter of "going for a drive" and losing a day.

I think maybe I should take today off too, but in a different way. Stay home, cocoon in my bed with my book and read and sleep until it's time to pick up Sara. Take some time for me that doesn't revolve around the car (as pretty as he is) to regroup and slow down. Then maybe over the weekend decide on how next week is going to move and work. I do think I need to stop with the "you sure you don't want a ride to work, honey?" after I get home from walking Sara to school. Mike doesn't care either way and it's become this springboard into losing my morning. If I don't get into the car in the morning, I'll be better able to flow into my home-based routines.

Plus we can't keep putting this kind of mileage on the car. Ahh well.