I was once a perfect (sewing) size 18. I'd open a pattern envelope, lay out the pieces and cut on the line marked 18. Then I'd sew it together and voila! Clothing. No alterations, no weeks spent trying to figure out how to balance an apparently tiny back with a massive shelf of booage. God, I miss those days.

I've spent the last day or two focusing on my sewing. I went to BouClair yesterday morning and spent a good couple hours looking at the various patterns, notions and fabric. I can feel myself doing the crazy sewer thing. I want to horde fabric just because it might be useful someday. I'm refraining though. No fabric without a matching pattern and planned outfit. Anyway, yesterday I bought a Burda pants pattern, a Simplicity comfy clothes assortment pattern, fabric to sew both and some notions. I cut out the Burda yesterday afternoon and tried to make the tank top today.

I must be a glutton for punishment.

I cut the damned thing big, to make room for the crazy boobage I haul around. So now there's room in the front, and massive gaping armholes and I swear, 6 inches worth of loose fabric at the back neckline. It's another fucking piece to be finished eventually and donated to goodwill at some later date. And I'm now 0 for 4 patterns cut and sewn for myself (tank top, shell, shorts, tank top).

I was talking to my mom about all this yesterday, and I bitched that all I would be left with to sew for myself would be baggy skirts. She said something about getting to a size where that's all that fits anymore. Dude! I'm not that fat! I can walk into any plus sized store and walk out with a sharp, fitted outfit. (I can also walk into Walmart and come out with cheap scary jeans. But they fit!) I can buy off the rack. So why the hell can't I sew for myself?

Mike and Mom both suggested finding a tailor that would make me a sloper. I may do that and bypass this insanity. Because at this point I've spent more on trying to sew for myself than I would have if I had gone into Cotton Ginny and bought myself my summer clothes.

And that's 15 minutes.