It's 9 am, and I have a Tai Chi catch up class in 30 minutes. I've been up as usual since 7, and been debating since then if I should go to class or not. My back hurts down my left side, it's not good. But on the other hand the slow stretching and stuff would help... maybe?

Anyways, I realized that I'm not going to make my weekly goals if I don't do a journal entry today and tomorrow. 15 minutes on the timer and we're off. I keep thinking about something Sara Astruc used to say -- "Don't stick your hand in the crazy." I really think I've spent a lot of time over the past several months sticking my hand in the crazy far too often.

It's weird, like a compulsion. I'd read the forums for what was my flag (I quit! Yay me!) and the infighting, the bickering, the hypocrisy, the never ending bullshit would just be insane, and drain me. But I wouldn't leave, or even just not read it. I'd read it every day. Sticking my hand in the crazy.

And it was crazy. The level of obsession in the higher levels of the flag was un-fucking-believable. Everything is major, everything is life or death, everything must be handled in a proper manner with the utmost in anal-retentive bureaucracy. Over a game. I didn't play in the forums much, that's a stove I prefer to keep my hands off since I learned my lesson at Hissyfit. But I certainly bought into the obsession game with my Quartermaster role, and all that crap.

Oi. I spent days just floating ships to and from blockades... because it was my job. The hell. A job? In a game?!? Then there were people that would make comments that somehow my co-QM or I weren't doing enough. Again, the hell?

Add in that one of the most respected people in the flag was a lying, moral-less snake and I knew it for months before I did anything about it, and you really have to wonder about my masochistic tendencies. I spent money I don't really have on a trip to see these people, many of whom I don't really like and some I know hate me and then stressed about it! The hell?

(There went the alarm for Tai Chi. I don't think I'm going. Ahh well. I'll just have to practice for sure today.)

And I promptly ignored this entry for an hour. Time to post it, I think. :)