I ran out of Kleenex on the weekend, and alas, it didn’t coincide with my cold/allergies going away. I’m getting mighty tired of blowing my nose with toilet paper. I don’t want to go to the grocery store this morning, but it’s starting to feel like something I should do. There’s stuff we need that we didn’t get on the pop-in visit we did this weekend.

I could wait and go after school, but I hate that struggle between getting Sara ready for bed and taking care of everything else. I don’t know. I’ll just sit here for a while longer with the heating pad on my back then decide. Woke up this morning at 5am because my back was kicking my ass. Yeah, ok, ignore that visual.

I’m rather broken today. My back’s all tender and moody, my right arm to just past my elbow is strained. I’m sniffling and sneezing. *sighs* It’s rather sad. I was hoping to go to the gym this morning after I dropped Mike off at work, but by that point all I could think of was getting home to my beautiful heating pad. I may see if Ms. Julie wants to go tonight after dinner, perhaps.

It’s funny sometimes. I know that if I strengthen my abdominals I will make my back worlds better, but I don’t want to go to the gym because my back hurts. I went on Friday morning with my readings for the classes this week and it went well. I had to skip some of the circuit because my sciatica was flaring, but overall it worked out.

I think I should just find it in me to get down on the floor on the days I don’t or can’t go to the gym and do my physio exercises. Even just the upper back stretch would help with the pain when I’m trying to sleep. I guess I just don’t want to because I stubbornly insist that I should be completely healthy and perfect. Hah.

Getting old, poor me. Carrying around too much weight and have been for far too long now. I’m still not going to say that it was a poor trade, this quitting smoking and gaining 50 lbs. I’d still rather be too fat and a non-smoker than where I was 4 years ago, smoking and at a relatively good weight for me. And unable to breathe. I wouldn’t mind both, though. Ahh well.

Not sure how I want to structure my day today yet. I have class at 4, so I want to be on campus for 3:15, but until then I have a goodly amount of time to fill up with a much bigger list of things that need to be done. I need to figure out what to do with this niggling feeling like I want to run away screaming from all my responsibilities though. I’m so tired of being smart and wise and responsible. Waa. I also need to figure out what I want to do with my resentment of needing to go to university. That I enjoy it hasn’t lessened the resentment much, and I can’t succeed if I’m pissed off all the time.

And that’s 15.